Whoever first coined the phrase “time flies” was a genius. Whoever coined the phrase “time heals all wounds” may have been a little off.

It’s been about a year and a half since my last visit to New York which was shortly after that September 11th. A lot has happened and yet in some ways nothing much has changed there, here or anywhere else in the world. I don’t mind that really. I think we are better off when some things just kind of steadily move along with us and we know just what to expect from them. I didn’t know what to expect when I went back to New York this time. But oddly enough it was a place as steady as the rock it has always been but has been permanently changed in many ways.

My last trip to New York, I decided to use “life” as my inspiration. This time, I've used as inspiration life of course but it is with a, “burdened perspective”.

I usually plan a trip a few months in advance. It always gives me something to look forward to. Little did I know this time a war would start and it would be deja vu for me. Twelve years ago I was a film student at New York University and working the make-up counter at Bloomingdale’s. I had to go in for inventory and was on the main floor when I heard someone say “the war has started”. my dad was in that war. I've moved thousands of miles and numerous places since that day. but Oddly enough I found myself just a few blocks away from the same spot when I heard someone say “the bombing has started”. Once again, my dad is in this war. I only hope he can bring back more Iraqi sand, a prayer rug or foreign money for me like he did last time.

New York has changed in so many ways that it really does amaze me. Not that I like them all. Admittedly I liked Times Square better when it was seedy. Now, it is just not as entertaining to people watch. Yes, you have the naked cowboy but he isn’t actually naked. In the same vain, I wasted numerous hours in Washington Square Park watching the street entertainers and was reluctantly pulled into the act on occasion. They are apparently no longer there. What I do see are people less boisterous, cops in full protective gear and rifles, bomb sniffing dogs, undercover cops in Grand Central with their radios a little too loud giving them away. I see people a little more “quiet” in their lives or perhaps a little apprehensive. This is not an attribute owned by New York. But it is a little more obvious here.

The notion that life is not just a fleetingly acknowledged expectation anymore seems to rest on peoples minds. The vibe seems to be more intent and less passive. It seems people think “I don’t have the time to waste anymore to “find myself”. I have to do something now”. I relish those years I spent wasting time to “find myself”. The care free, fast living and free spending days of the eighties which were my youth, are long gone. Not that they were stress less. But the stresses of then aren’t like the burdens of now that I feel. I hope that one day the world can unburden itself and all people can live a moment with a little less intent and just smile for no reason now and again.

Misti Layne, March 2003